Spring cleaning?

New background and color scheme! I was hoping to change the overall theme too, but nah I'm just too in love with this theme anyway. At least I found a good background image. A chess board! I'm currently drowning in Aldnoah/Zero so the chessboard picture just.... awoke various feelings.... so yeah.

Don't worry, I'm still drowning in hoperai too if you're wondering.

Nirvana - Tia (Noragami Aragoto ED)

ニルバナ

Nirvana

Tia

やがて巡り巡る季節に

僕らは息をする

思い出になるその時まで

ずっと忘れないで

Yagate meguri meguru kisetsu ni

Bokura ha iki wo suru

Omoide ni naru sono toki made

Zutto wasurenaide 

[Soon the seasons will come rolling

And we'll take a breath

Until the time where we'll become memories

Please never forget me]

一人ぼっち膝を抱えて

見上げたんだ　あの日

思ってたより晴れた空と

あなたがそこにいた

Hitori bocchi hiza wo kakaete

Miagetanda         ano hi

Omotteta yori hareta sora to

Anata ga soko ni ita

[All alone I sat hugging my knees

And I look back to that day

Where the sky was clearer than I had thought

And you were still there]

見えてるもの全て　胸に焼き付けたんだ

いつか来るさよならの時のため

だけど今は気づかぬふりをして

僕は笑う　あなたと今

Mieteru mono subete       mune ni yakitsuketanda

Itsuka kuru sayonara no toki no tame

Dakedo ima ha kidzukanu furi wo shite

Boku ha warau      anata to ima

[All the things I'm seeing, they are burned into my heart

For the sake of oncoming goodbye

But for now I'll pretend I didn't notice

As I laugh, with you now]

悲しみ　喜び　心臓の鼓動

伝って動かすんだ　僕という命

想いや感情　掛け値なしの愛を

あなたがくれたから

進むよ　見ててくれる？

Kanishimi     yorokobi     shinzou no kodou

Tsutatte ugokasunda      boku to iu inochi

Omoi ya kanjou       kakenu nashi no ai wo

Anata ga kureta kara

Susumu yo       mitete kureru?

[Sadness, happiness, and the beat of my heart

They go along and move this life called 'me'

The thoughts and feelings, also this non-exaggerated love

Because you gave them to me

I'm moving forward; will you watch?]

真夜中の雨が降り止めば

僕はきっと遠く

心配しないで　同じ空の

下に僕はいるよ

Mayonaka no ame ga furiyameba

Boku ha kitto tooku

Shinpai shinaide     onaji sora no

Shita ni boku ha iru yo 

[If the midnight rain finally stops

Definitely I'm far away

But don't worry, I am still here

Under the same sky]

見えてるもの全て　守ろうとするほどに

あなたは優しさで傷くから

答えを探すたび失うんだ

大事なもの　こぼれ落ちていく

Mieteru mono subete      mamorou to suru hodo ni

Anata ha yasashisa de kizudzuku kara

Kotae wo sagasu tabi ushinaunda

Daiji na mono      kobore ochiteiku 

[All the things I'm seeing, I'll try to protect them all

Because you're hurt by your kindness

Everytime we seek the answer, it disappears

The precious things, they are falling apart]

幾千の時を超えいつかまた出会う

繋いだ手の感触を思い出して

あの夜に僕らは明日を願った

叶わぬ願いだとわかっていたとしても

Ikusen no toki wo koe itsuka mata deau

Tsunaida te no kanshoku wo omoidashite

Ano yoru ni bokura ha ashita wo negatta

Kanawanu negai da to wakatteita to shite mo 

[Passing through a thousand years, we'll meeet again someday

As we remember the feeling of our intertwined hands

That night we both prayed for a tomorrow

Even though we knew very well that it's an impossible thing]

時に雲　時に風　形を変えながら

あなたの元に　ほら　僕は向かうよ

Toki ni kumo     toki ni kaze     katachi wo kaenagara

Anata no moto ni    hora    boku ha mukau yo

[Sometimes it's clouded, sometimes it's windy, while the form keeps changing

Look, I'm coming, to where you are]

そして僕の声があなたに届くなら

なんてあなたは答えるのだろう

ありがとう　ごめんね

ひどいやつだ　バカだな

愛してる　泣いて笑うのは

多分僕かも

聞こえる？

Soshite boku no koe ga anata ni todoku nara

Nante anata ha kotaeru no darou

Arigatou     gomen ne

Hidoi yatsu da    baka da na

Aishiteru    naite warau no ha

Tabun boku ka mo

Kikoeru?

[And then, if my voice can reach out to you

How would you answer, I wonder

Thanks; sorry

You're cruel; how stupid

I love you; the one who's crying and laughing at the same time

It's probably me

Can you hear it?]

悲しみ　喜び　心臓の鼓動

伝って動かすんだ　僕という命

想いや感情　掛け値なしの愛を

あなたはくれたんだ

奇跡のような日々を

いつでもここにいるよ 

Kanashimi     yorokobi     shinzou no kodou

Tsutatte ugokasunda     boku to iu inochi

Omoi ya kanjou       kakenu nashi no ai wo

Anata ha kuretanda

Kiseki no you na hibi wo

Itsudemo koko ni iru yo

[Sadness, happiness, and the beat of my heart

They go along and move this life called 'me'

The thoughts and feelings, also this non-exaggerated love

You gave them to me

The miracle-like days

Are always here]

Kanji lyric from booklet

Romaji lyric by me

Translation by me

Haru no Hi - Goose House

ハルノヒー合唱ー

Haru no Hi - Gasshou- 

One Day in Spring -A Chorus-

Goose House

あなたがお弁当を作っている音
鼻の奥ツンとして慌てて笑った
花冷えの朝今日は最後の日
もうこれからは
早起きしないでいいんだよ
Anata ga obentou wo tsukutteiru oto
Hana no oku tsun to shite awatete waratta
Hanabie no asa kyou ha saigo no hi
Mou kore kara ha
Hayaoki shinaide iin dayo
[The sounds as you made boxed lunch
Its aroma attacked right into my nostrils and I laughed nervously
This will be the last day of chilly morning
From now on,
You don't have to wake up early]

「あなたの為」そのセリフが嫌いで
窮屈だった愛を拒んだあの日々
力任せの言葉浴びたあなたの
カタカタと揺れてた背中
"Anata no tame." Sono serifu ga kirai de
Kyuukutsu datta ai wo kobanda ano hibi
Chikara makase no kotoba abita anata no
Katakata to yurureta senaka
["This is for your sake." I hate that kind of speech
The days where I pointedly rejected your stiff love
You always said things with all your might
Your back, it shook violently]

もう見ることのないこの駅は
臆病者の僕を知っている
でも母よ僕はもう怖くない
あなたを離れて歩いて行くんだ
Mou miru koto no nai kono eki ha
Okubyoumono no boku wo shitteiru
Demo haha yo boku ha mou kowakunai
Anata wo hanarete aruiteyuku nda
[This station which I will never see again
Knows about my cowardice
But dear Mom, I'm not afraid anymore
I'll walk down my path without you]

誰かのために目覚める明日を
未来証書に誓います
言えなかった「ゴメンね」返す為
明日からあなたの様な温もり胸に
生きて行きます
Dareka no tame ni mezameru ashita wo
Mirai Shousho ni chikaimasu
Ienakatta "gomen ne" kaesu tame
Ashita kara anata no you na nukumori mune ni
Ikiteyukimasu
[To a new day coming for someone
I swear upon this certificate of future
To return these unspoken "I'm sorry"s
Starting tomorrow, I will live on
With a warm heart, just like you]

昔より少し小さくなった背中
僕は今日あなたにまた少し近づく
何も言わず出かけるあなたは今も
クタクタの背広を着ている
Mukashi yori sukoshi chiisaku natta senaka
Boku ha kyou anata ni mata sukoshi chikadzuku
Nani mo iwazu dekakeru anata ha ima mo
Kutakuta no sebiro wo kiteiru
[A backside that looked a bit smaller than it used to be
Today I am getting closer to you
You, who always leave the house without saying anything
Now still wear that old suit]

雲流れゆくとの屋上は
逃げてばかりの僕を知ってる
でも父よ僕はもう決めたんだ
いつかあなたを追い越したい
Kumo nagareyuku to no okujou ha
Nigete bakari no boku wo shitteiru
Demo chichi yo boku ha mou kimeta nda
Itsuka anata wo oikoshitai
[The passing wind and the rooftop
They know how I always run away
But dear Dad, I have decided
I want to surpass you one day]

守りたい誰かがいる明日を
僕も守ってゆきたい
言えなかった「ありがとう」返す為
明日からあなたの様な強さを胸に
生きて行きます
Mamoritai dareka ga iru ashita wo
Boku mo mamotte yukitai
Ienakatta "arigatou" kaesu tame
Ashita kara anata no you na tsuyosa wo mune ni
Ikiteyukimasu 
[A new day where someone precious resides
I want to protect it too
To return these unspoken "thank you"s
Starting tomorrow, I will live on
With a strong heart, just like you]

花びら空高く飛ばす舞風が
旅立ちの時が知らせている
駆け巡るあなたとの歳月が
「 さあ行きなさい」と手を振るから
僕はひとり行くよ
Hanabira sora takaku tobasu maikaze ga
Tabidachi no toki ga shiraseteiru
Kakemeguru anata to no  saigetsu ga
"Saa yukinasai!" to te wo furu kara
Boku ha hitori yuku yo
[The dancing wind that hurls flower petals high in the sky
It bespeaks of the moment I have to depart
The years I spent with you who always rush about
"Now, go!" you said as you wave your hand
I'm going by myself]

誰かのために目覚める明日を
未来証書に誓います
言えなかった「ありがとう」返す為
明日からあなたの様な温もり胸に
あなたの様な強さを胸に
あの春の日を忘れぬように
生きて行きます
Dareka no tame ni mezameru ashita wo
Mirai shousho ni chikaimasu
Ienakatta "arigatou" kaesu tame
Ashita kara anata no you na nukumori mne ni
Anata no you na tsuyosa wo mune ni
Ano haru no hi wo wasurenu you ni
Ikiteyukimasu
[To a new day coming for someone
I swear upon this certificate of future
To return these unspoken "thank yous"s
Starting tomorrow, I will live on
With a warm heart, just like you
With a strong heart, just like you
So that I never forget that one day in spring]

Kanji lyric taken from www.lyrical-nonsense.com 
Romaji by me
Translation by me

I have multiple feelings about this song.

Comeback: A Time

I decided to go through this blog today, looking at old posts of when I just created it, recalling the feelings and the events that led to those posts, etc. It was funny, like going through a time tunnel and watching yourself grow.

Then I realized (quite belatedly, I admit) that recently, this blog has become a mere dump store for fanfictions. I don't even write orifics anymore. (There was a time I abandoned fanfiction in favor of orificand choosing not to publish them--after all, I have my dreams too, that one day I can compile those into a short story collection of my own.) I don't write poems to pour my feelings. No more Life tagged posts either.

One thing I can easily say, is that I blame someone for the lack of personal posts here. (Blaming others always comes easy, does it not?) At that time, however little I wrote for this blog, I still have a desire to make this blog my home, where I can rattle on and on about something, maybe making it vague as a caution.

This notion was blown up the moment someone came up to me after apparently reading one of my controversial posts, asking nicely, "Hey, you all right?"

Okay, I know, that's nice of him, you might be wondering why I got so upset over this--but you see, he's the least I want to read that post. Besides I didn't really write it to be asked if I'm all right. I just needed to vent, that's it. No need to ask me. So I found out the hard way that indeed, the internet's a wild place where whatever you put there become public. Ever since that time, I chose to stop writing about my life at all.

Another reason is, well, I'm just so introverted that I don't think my daily life is worthy enough to be put up here. Of course that's silly, I know, because this is my home and however I fill it is up to me, but I just can't help the thought. (Welcome, anxiety and inferiority complex.)

Lastly, I began to notice that life is not as interesting as it had been, when I kept a daily journal (not really a diary, just a tool to keep me writing everyday) and filled it with everyday occurences. Everyday is fun, everyone is so nice and we talk about a lot of things, sure, but nothing out of habit. Goes back to the point where I feel that nothing is worthy enough to be written.

I don't know why but maybe I've gotten dull? That I've lost my sense of observation? All in all, I just think that I'm vastly different from the me in high school. Some aspects are definitely better, but some others I find myself lament. Once upon a time I could write something out of nothing at all, in a spur of a moment, even during class. Once upon a time I could have that surge of emotion, pouring just like that from the tip of a pen or pencil. I miss those days.

In the end, perhaps I'm just dulled from a lack of writing exersices. Hurrr.