Sunday, April 21, 2019

Warui Ousama no Ohanashi - Goose House (Lyric and Translation)

Chiisana kuni no chiisana machi
chiisana ie ni sumu
wakai musume wa unmei no
koi ni ochita no desu
[in a small town of a small country,
in a small house
there lived a young maiden
who met her destined love]


koi no oaite wa ousama
medetaku misomerare
mazushikatta ie to wakare
kazoku ni narimashita
[her destiny was the king
and they happily lived together
the maiden left her poor house
and started a new family]


tokoro ga futari no kodomo
kawaii ouji wa yagate
jachibougyaku no ou ni nari
hitobito kurushimeta
[however, their child,
the small prince will end up
being a tyrannical king
who makes his people suffer]


hajimete ude ni daita hi
sekai ni tarinai mono nado
hitotsu mo naku nanimo kamo ga
kagayaki wo mashita
[the first time I held you in my arms
I promise there will be nothing you lack
in this world
everything was shining brightly]


sekai no subete owaru hi mo
sekai no daremo ga anata no
teki ni natte ya ga tobu hi mo
watashi ga tate ni naru yo
[even on the last day of this world,
where everyone becomes your enemy
and shower you with arrows,
I* will be your shield]


ouji ga juurokusai
ninatte sugu no koto desu
sensou ga hajimatte
ousama wa modoranu hito ni
[the prince turned sixteen
soon after he succeeded the throne,
the war started
and he became someone unrecognizable]


kaeru to itta yakusoku
shinjite matsu anata no se wo
dakishimete mo furihodoite
hitori de naita kara ne
[for you who believed their promise of coming home
and waited patiently
you shook me off when I tried to hold you
and cried alone]


sekai no subete wo utagai
sekai no daremo iranai to
anata wa iu, demo ne kite
watashi ga koko ni iru yo
[you doubted the whole world,
saying you don't need anyone
but listen
I am here for you]


ousama ni natta ouji wa
kunijuu namida de someta
sore wo tometa otoko ga ita
kare no namae wa merosu
[the prince turned king
dyed the whole country with tears
but a man appeared to stop him
his name was Melos]


jibun wo mamoru tame dake ni
ikiteyuku ni wa sekai wa
ookisugite barabara de
sugu dame ni naru darou
[if you live in this world 
only for the sake of protecting yourself,
this world is too big, too chaos
it will soon get destroyed] 


hajimete ude ni daita hi
sekai ni tarinai mono nado
hitotsu mo naku nanimo kamo ga
kagayaki wo mashita
[the first time I held you in my arms
I promise there will be nothing you lack
in this world
everything was shining brightly]


sekai no subete owaru hi mo
sekai no daremo ga anata no
teki ni natte yagatobu hi mo
boku ga tate ni naru yo
[even on the last day of this world,
where everyone becomes your enemy
and shower you with arrows,
I* will be your shield]


Note:
*the first 'I' indicated it was the prince's mother who said it, but the last 'I' indicated it was Melos who said it
Pretty sure this song is based on the story 'Run, Melos! (Hashire Merosu)' written by Dazai Osamu. 
I'm doing this by ear so I'm not putting the kanji for this. Of course there's always possibility of error.

Thursday, March 21, 2019

g o o d b y e


he looks at me expectantly. oh, i know, i need to assure him of my loyalty. right here, right now. he needs me, just like i need him.



"it's okay," I whisper, reaching my hands out to him. "i will always be your ally. i will always be here for you. i will fight for you, brother. please don't worry. i will kill, i will hurt, i will steal everything if it's what you want. i will always be here. i promise you, brother. i swear to you."



can't you see this mountain of corpses i made? every little kill is for you! it doesn't matter if i had to throw away a finger or two, break a leg or an arm, it's okay, i will even trade my eye and my liver and my kidney if it means protecting you and your goals! brother, brother, i am your one and only true friend. please, please, use me as you wish, tear me apart until you're satisfied----but please never leave me alone. i will follow you to the end of the world, to the depth of hell, to the height of paradise, but promise me you'll always let me walk three steps behind you. that's all i ask. it's okay, even if you can't see me at times, i assure you i will be right there. it's okay, i'm still here for you. it's okay, i'm still your one and only ally.



what do you mean a new ally, brother? aren't i enough? haven't i done much more than they could? i have given you my eye, my arm, my leg, my rib, my liver, my heart, my everything!!!! how could you? how dare you? are you saying i can't be of use anymore because i lack an eye, an arm, a leg, a rib, a liver, a heart, everything? because i can't do much for you anymore? i can't even keep up three steps behind you! what a disgrace. i'm sorry. i'm sorry, brother. please don't throw me away. i will be here for you, always. i'm sorry. i 'm sorry i will be here. i'm sorry i can't go anywhere else without you. i'm sorry.



i'm sorry.



goodbye.






-----------

Yet another random script from unnamed documents in my drive.
I think I write a lot of pieces with dependency themes, just like this one. in extreme cases I write about 'doing anything for you'. in the milder ones, there's one like Maki who clings to Shinichi.
I see a pattern. I see myself.
To be honest, ever since the first time I heard the term 'avoidant-dependent' (or something), I've always told myself this is me. I'm annoyed at myself, you know, for being like this. I can get clingy to people, asking them to give me all the time of the day, but once they start inching closer to me, I run away. I hide away. I even do this to my family. This instinct to run from people is so tiring. Yet I know I want to offer everything to keep them from leaving me behind.

Saturday, January 19, 2019

Bayang

Satu dari desah napasmu terdengar berat.
Aku ingin bertanya, "apakah sesak?"
Namun pelupuj matamu tak mengizinkan
Tidak cahaya, tidak tanda tanya
Aku hanya bergumam
Pada aku dan kamu
Dalam bayangan masa lalu
Tawamu yang hangat menyelimutiku
Waktu itu langkahmu masih tanpa eluh
"Apakah sesak?"
"Tidak."
Aah, bagaima dengan sekarang, Ayah?

Tea Time

Tea Time

Ah, hening.
Barangkali memang menunggu Engkau datang
Setelah itu marilah minum teh bersama
Kau bilang Earl Grey enak,
Aku lebih suka Darjeeling
Pada akhirnya kita akan menyeduh bubuk kopi
Karena aku benci kopi. Kau benci kopi.
Sudut bibirmu yang berkerut tidak nyaman adalah bagian terbaik
Tambahkan gula, gula, gula
Susu cukup satu kali
Ya, aku juga.
Gula, gula, gula. Susu. Sama denganmu.
Senangnya.
Ah, hening.
Engkau belum datang.

Saturday, December 29, 2018

he lp

There are people who pushed hard, hard, hard until their hands bleed and sting, yet they never find what they are looking for.

There are people who turn their back, retrace their steps, go all the way back to square one only to find another thorny path.

There are also people who stop and stare at the boulder blocking their way, their steps frozen under fear of the unknown.

I am the latter.

No matter what I tell myself, what people tell me, my hands are cold and my feet are stuck. I don't know how to move. I don't even know what is weighing me down. I can see the people whom I care about cheering for me, yes, I can hear their voices--but they seem so far. So hazy. The boulder looms before me and my tiny body, shadowing my precious people.

Why?