More About OCs: Queen of Prophecies

My beloved characters are coming~~~!

I need to warn you first though. This universe is basically my utopia(?) where I can apply as many tropes as I like into it, resulting in a ambiguous storyline/setting. Like, one second I want it this way, but the next I want it that way. Have never put it into stone, so I might be a little vague here. I also have the most absurd plot. Not to mention the amount of mary-su/gary-stu here... I can't---

Beware of length. (I swear to God I didn't mean it to be this long but then I realized it's better if I explain the minor characters as well and it just----- I guess I'm just letting out everything I never have the chance to properly write?)

[Queen of Prophecies]

More About OCs: The Twin Witches

I don't have any homework for once so here I am!!! (Pssh what do you mean I need to do that translation request and that short essay for literature class tomorrow)

I'm going to write more about my kids~ I was initially going to talk about The Queen of Prophecies but I'm guessing it will be so long that I can't finish in one sitting, so here it is:

[The Twin Witches]

More about OCs: Dreamweaver

I was dead this morning (slept at 4 a.m lol) but I've recovered~ So now that tomorrow is no college day, I'll talk about more OCs!

[Dreamweaver]

Hikaru Akiyama Widjaja (in Japanese style: 秋山 光)

100% Japanese. Her parents got divorced when she's in 8th grade so Akiyama is her mother's family name. When she's in 10th grade, her mother remarried with an Indonesian man, hence the Widjaja name. I used Indonesian old spelling for the name to give some old, wealthy family vibes because her step-father is like a super rich businessman. Soon after the remarriage, she and her mother moved to Surabaya, Indonesia.

She can speak Indonesian, but with this weird accent and she sometimes makes mistakes on words/expressions. Her English is mediocre at best :"""

She is now in 11th grade, soon moving to 12th grade. 16 y.o. Gemini? Blood type O.

Believe it or not, she has bright caramel/honey colored hair. The school tries to get her to dye it black, but she insists that it's her natural color, thus not breaking any rules. I'll leave it to your imagination whether she's telling the truth or not, but the fact remains that she actually wins the argument xD Her hair is armpit-length and styled hime-cut (you know, straight cut with front bangs).

More about OCs: untitled

So I may have gotten a bit heated up because after posting that last post, I actually engaged a conversation with a friend about our OCs! It really makes me want to lay down each character's basic appearance and personality. And while the heat lasts, here I go~ I'll do it one post for each universe so it doesn't get long.

[untitled]
(This comes first because they are easier to write lol)
(On hindsight, I should have made a title sooner than later...)

Maki Hiiragi (or in Japanese style, Hiiragi Maki / 柊季 茉輝)
Oh shhh so what do you mean I only made her Kanji name just now shhh.
20 y.o. I haven't decided on birthday/signs/blood type. But I think she's a Pisces?
Your normal, average college girl. Economics major. Currently in Yokohama, Japan.
She has natural dark hair and white skin. Really, so typical Japanese girl. Prefers skirts, but not mini-skirts. Just like most other Japanese, her colors are black, dark brown, dark blue, dark green.
Her mother has passed away, and her father is an awkward man who can't really show his affections freely. No siblings.
This girl, I tell you, is salty about everything. It's almost like everything is wrong for her, like she's the most pitiful of all. I mean, yeah she actually can be nice and outgoing and all, but there's always an underlying dissatisfied feeling. And to top it off, she's clingy.
(I want to slap her then hug her.)
As explained in the first story of this universe, she has a major crush on Shouichi, but it's unrequited as Shouichi dates another girl. And yeah, it's bad for her heart.

Shouichi Kobayashi (or in Japanese style, Kobayashi Shouichi / 小林 鎗一)
20 y.o. I haven't decided on birthday/signs either, but he's kinda Scorpio or Sagitarius to me. And you know what, he's almost definitely O.
Another normal, average college student! .....except for that red highlight. He's got a rebel heart deep inside. Also Economics major in Yokohama.
I don't know, he just appears as the kind of guy who would wear black jeans and red shirts with black leather boots. Not that he wears it everyday lol. About 180 cm-ish? Or maybe a bit shorter hahaha. His hair is a bit long, he sometimes wears hairpins during sports. Definitely one of the ikemen in class.
Has a younger brother.
I must admit he has a difficult personality (for me to write). He's not close to his family because of stuffs, and at one point he got rebellious? Kinda. He likes to stay alone in his dark apartment room, staring at nothing. (whispers: emoooo) Almost feel like he's distant from people. He truly cares for his friends though, for example for Maki, his so-called best girl friend. He begins to date Rise because she's cute (ha!) and apparently she also likes metal music.

Sooo yeah. That's it. And the main plot of this universe? Maki likes Shouichi but doesn't confess, one day Shouichi gets a girlfriend, Maki gets jealous and heartbroken and she blames everything. She still wants to be with Shouichi though. Shouichi, the ever distant one, doesn't realize Maki's feelings and goes his merry(?) way.

I hope you enjoy~

Meet the OCs!

Just a quick, random thought.

How much do you develop your OCs? You know, original characters? Whether in original story or in some fandom? Those who write novels or something like that surely have an extended development of their OCs, sure, but as someone who don't, how much do you develop your OCs?

Classes in Nagoya University (About MEXT Scholarship - Japanese Studies (2))

Hello, nice to see you again~

As per my previous post, I'm going to talk about my classes here in Japan. First of all, my course name is 'Intensive Course in Advanced Japanese' or 日本語・日本文化研修コース (or, as they like to call it, １年コース). We have a total of 16 periods from Monday to Friday (3 periods each day, with the exception of Wednesday with 4 periods). Each period lasts for 90 minutes.

[Fanfic] To Learn Something New (ch 26)

Title: To Learn Something New

Author: Vianna Orchidia / Annasthacy Chashyme
Fandom: Final Fantasy XIII Series
Character: Lightning Farron, Hope Estheim
Rating: K+
Genre: General
Disclaimer: Final Fantasy XIII is property of Square Enix. I do not own the series and the characters, and I do not gain any profit from this fanfiction

Warning: I don't even know

sea /sea/ n the salt water that covers much of the Earth's surface (literary)

The sea is cold, is unforgiving. It swallows everything you throw into it, and throws up everything it wants to your beaches. It knows no boundary and yet it becomes a boundary for humans who want to go to the other side of the world, as it sends waves after waves of foreboding.

But the sea is ever-changing, too. Sometimes it is kind and warm. Sometimes it invites you to come and play inside its belly because it keeps way too many jeweleries inside. Sometimes it is not as cold as the blue mountain. Sometimes it's a deep jade.

And jade is Hope's eyes.

Lightning sees the sea every time she peers into his eyes for a second too long. A sea that sometimes runs amok, sometimes drifts idly. His eyes have a depth that sometimes entices her but sometimes sends her scurrying away too. Such a complicated being, Lightning decides one day. She chooses to keep Hope at an arm's length lest she catches herself staring into those eyes again.

That was the plan, anyway. But right now, she can't take her eyes away from his, mere centimeters away. She is nose to nose to Hope, with one of his big hands on her right cheek and the other on the small of her back, sending shivers up her spine. They are so close she can even count his speckles. She bets he can count her eyelashes.

And with slow movements, both of them decide to close their eyes at the same time, leaning closer and closer and—

Lightning lets the sea take her wherever it wants.

The First Few Weeks

I'm back for more rambling.

It's about life in Japan. The first month of it, anyway. I made a few videos about my trip and my dorm here, so check my YouTube channel. I have more projects in my laptop... but never actually got around to it. (Please send some cookies to energize me!)

So. Life here actually started on Monday, where the students of my program were gathered and led to the Ward Office to do some administration. 'Hey I'm here in Japan legally so here's my residence card.' 'Because I'm a citizen of Japan (though temporarily) I have to enter the health insurance program? Cool okay.' 'Yeah and also the national pension program. But I don't have any income here so I'll just apply for exemption on the same day I apply for it.' Yadda yadda. (There's a video.)

シの帰り道

October 6, 2016.

My previously silent phone suddenly bursted with messages once it's connected to internet.
The first message I read was from a classmate of middle school days.

"I'm sorry for your loss."

Ah, so this is what it means to have the Earth crumbles beneath you feet, I thought. So this is what it means to have the world stop spinning on its axis.
 
I chose to open the message from my sister next. She simply asked if I could call her right away.
But I had class in two minutes, there's not enough time, there's not enough process in my brain to talk.
I ended up taking the 90-minutes class and barely listened to the lecture.

After class ended I hastily slipped out and found a corner before dialing my sister's LINE account. She treaded the topic carefully. But I had known. I had known what she was going to say.

My father is gone.

---

紅一葉

舞い散る朝に

永久祈り   ........................................... (1)

囁いた

温かい手を

さようなら   ........................................... (2)

濡れ瞳

埋もれられ愛

キラメクよ ............................................. (3)

経たぬトキ

シの帰り道

先発し ..................................................(4)

古い本

幾千語り

なくしちゃった .......................................(5)

くすのきく

遠い呼び声

ゆらゆらり .............................................(6)

悲しみも

喜びと舞う

美しさ ................................................. (7)

Packing Fiesta

New post coming through~! Like I said on the previous post, this time I'm going to rant about packing.

The final announcement for MEXT Scholarship – Japanese Studies was on early August, while we are expected to arrive in Japan on late September. We have about two months to prepare, but I was in the middle of volunteer activity out of town at that time, so my time was cut back for about two weeks :(

So first of all, I bought a suitcase, a carry-on, and a backpack. It's just a coincidence that my old backpack was getting worn-out and it's time to buy a new one, though. I got an electric blue 24' suitcase, a brown carry-on handbag, and a grey-red backpack. It sounds like an easy process; go out, buy, take it back. But nooo actually the hunting process itself spent about a month /orz. I had to hunt in two cities, about five stores to finally get the best deal.

Other than bags, I also had to buy shirts, pants, skirts, socks... All because I recently decided to wear hijab. Sooo yeah cue a change of style. All in all I spent quite a lot... Which only convinces me to save up as much money as possible from my monthly allowance in Japan. /shrugs/

Anyway, I've made a video showing the contents of my bags! That's the first time I filmed anything, the first time editing a video, the first time uploading videos—so please excuse the low quality. I'm learning. 

There you can see my suitcase first. Of course there are clothes. I also brought skincare products, cables, hair straightener (!!!), a pouch of toiletries, a pouch of accessories (the black one), and shoes. To be frank, this is NOT the final version of my suitcase, because there are some stuffs I haven't stuffed in there, lol.

The second bag, the carry-on, contains essentials I need during the trip. A change of clothes, a change of hijab, and a towel. There are also little trinkets I prepared for souvenirs for new friends in Japan :) There is actually a puch of makeup too, but I forgot to put it inside.

Last but not least, the backpack. I brought pens, my wallet, a pack of small plastic bags (this is essential for me, because I get motion sickness easily!!), a box of business card, a raincoat (the yellow thingy on the second compartment), a universal adaptor, and a fan (because I'm classy like that). The paper there is my preparation for my final thesis in college! I'm bringing along my future to Japan, haha. In this bag, I will also include my passport and laptop and camera and chargers.

I don't bring books to Japan. Mainly because I don't even have any to help with my research (what kind of a student am I) and I don't want to fill my bags with useless weight... I can find books there, afterall. (Yes, most likely in Japanese. No, I haven't the experience of reading textbooks in Japanese yet, so I'm diving headfirst.)

Other stuffs I plan to bring are: necessary documents, instant foods, instant seasoning, tea, coffe, etc. The instant food will be my life in the first weeks, lol. So much for adapting, huh.

Well... I guess that's it? There isn't much I can talk about here, I guess. I'll see you again in the next experience :)

[UPDATE!!]

I repacked my luggages! I had to take out four clothes and other stuffs to make room for more essentials I haven't put in. The contents of each bag is more or less the same though, nothing major change.

 ---------------
Credit:
BGM: One Light - Kalafina
Tools used: Windows Live Movie Maker; Sony Cyber-shot DSC-WX220 Digital Camera

About MEXT Scholarship - Japanese Studies (1)

Heya heya. 'Tis me, after a looooong while gone. Huh? Where have I been?

Places.

That is to say, I've been chasing my motivation to write to places. (Insert awkward laugh here.)

Soo yeah, yay for a comeback? I still have zero motivation to create stories, you see, so I guess I'll just stick to random posts... while actually giving useful information. Yep. I'm here to grace the world with my experience, along with some tips, about the legendary Monbukagakusho (MEXT) Scholarship – Japanese Studies! At least it's legendary in my school, lol.

[Fanfic] To Learn Something New (ch 25)

Title: To Learn Something New

Author: Vianna Orchidia / Annasthacy Chashyme
Fandom: Final Fantasy XIII Series
Character: Hope Estheim, Elida
Rating: K
Genre: General
Disclaimer: Final Fantasy XIII is property of Square Enix. I do not own the series and the characters, and I do not gain any profit from this fanfiction

Warning: Me trying to write soulmate AU. Light is not even mentioned here, oh la la.

signal /sig·nal/ n something (such as a sound, a movement of part of the body, or an object) that gives information about something or that tells someone to do something

It was not supposed to be like this. Hope stared at his mark, a small red lightning bolt on the outside of his left wrist, in horror. Next to him, an equally horrified girl clenched the seams of her skirt until her knuckles went white. Both were silent, drown in their thoughts, until Hope gathered his courage and turned to his girlfriend.

[Orific] Serah

If I showed you my flaws

If I couldn't be strong

Tell me honestly: would you still love me the same?

[Locked away - R. City ft. Adam Levine]

Ini kesalahan. Tidak seharusnya aku melewati ruang kelas itu beberapa menit yang lalu. Tidak seharusnya aku memasang telinga baik-baik hanya karena guru favoritku itu yang sedang berdiri di depan murid-murid. Tidak seharusnya aku menginterpretasikan kata-kata beliau dalam artian seperti ini. Salah, semuanya salah. Kenapa aku melakukannya?

Sembari menatap kosong tembok kotor yang membatasi halaman belakang sekolah, aku mengulang-ulang perkataan Pak Surya yang kutangkap dari balik dinding ruang kelas yang kulewati saat akan menuju kamar kecil. Seperti biasa, ketika melewati ruang-ruang kelas aku selalu mengawasi siapa guru yang sedang mengajar dan bagaimana situasi di dalam kelas tersebut. Kadang aku membaca tulisan yang berhamburan di papan tulis. Kadang pula aku memperlambat langkah dan ikut mendengarkan ceramah bapak-ibu guru. Dan, hal itu pulalah yang kulakukan saat melewati ruang kelas 12-Bahasa-1, di mana kulihat guru bahasa Indonesia favoritku sedang bersuara.

Pak Surya adalah lelaki berperawakan kurus tinggi, dengan rambut menipis yang dibiarkan tumbuh sedikit panjang sampai leher. Gara-gara rambut panjangnya ini, beliau menguarkan aura yang 'nyastra banget'. Ditambah lagi, beliau selalu punya kisah yang seru dan menstimulasi otak di tiap jam pelajarannya. Aku sangat menyukai guru bahasa Indonesia satu ini.

Oleh dasar ketertarikan itulah, tanpa pikir panjang aku berusaha mendengarkan kisah apa yang tengah dibagikan beliau untuk murid-murid kali ini. Beberapa kalimat pertama tidak kupahami sama sekali, karena aku tidak menemukan konteksnya, tapi satu kalimat berhasil membuatku terpaku.

“Kalau begini terus, lebih baik saya keluar saja dari sekolah ini.”

Sedikit panik, aku mendekatkan telinga ke dinding. (Tentu saja sambil tetap menyembunyikan diri. Tidak lucu kalau aku ketahuan menguping suasana kelas lain di saat aku seharusnya sedang menghitung sin dan cos.) Aku memang pernah mendengar desas-desus bahwa Pak Surya mulai memikirkan untuk mundur dari jabatannya saat ini, tapi dengan alasan apa, aku dan teman-temanku tidak pernah tahu. Ini tentunya jadi kesempatan emas untuk mendapatkan informasi.

“Dari sekian tahun yang lalu, dengan pemimpin sekolah yang berbeda-beda, sekolah ini tetap saja tidak mengalami kemajuan. Kesejahteraan gurunya masih dipertanyakan. Kurikulum berantakan. Murid-murid tidak diperhatikan secara memadai. Padahal saya sudah berusaha untuk membantu, memberikan aspirasi—tapi kalau tidak ada niatan berubah, mau bagaimana lagi? Lebih baik saya pergi.”

Oh Tuhan. Pak Surya merasa tidak puas dengan sekolah ini? Tidak berubah, maksudnya apa? Rasanya sekolahku baik-baik saja... Memang ada saat-saat di mana aku merasa tidak nyaman dengan berbagai kebijakan sekolah, tapi apakah seburuk itu di mata Pak Surya? Aku menarik napas dalam-dalam.

“Lihat saja, sudah berapa tahun sekolah ini absen dalam berbagai perlombaan. Lomba pidato tempo hari saja tidak menang, padahal dua tahun kemarin kita juara nasional. Di mana semangat memperbaiki diri dari sekolah ini?”

Hatiku mencelos. Lidahku kelu. Napasku tersendat.

Peserta lomba pidato yang gagal mempertahankan kemenangan beruntun sekolah kami, itu aku.

Segera aku memacu langkahku. Menjauh. Tidak ingin mendengarkan lebih lanjut. Secara otomatis tubuhku sampai di halaman belakang sekolah, yang sepi senyap karena ini masih jam pelajaran. Dengan napas terengah, yang lebih dikarenakan syok daripada lelah setelah berlari, aku menyandarkan punggung di salah satu sudut. Setelah berdiam diri beberapa saat pun, napasku masih putus-putus. Dadaku masih sakit. Ucapan Pak Surya masih terngiang.

“Karena aku kalah,” sadarku. “Karena aku gagal.”

Pak Surya yang kukagumi, beliau ingin pergi, karena aku tidak berguna. Aku sudah mengecewakan guru-guruku, teman-temanku, bahkan kakak-kakak kelasku yang tahun lalu maupun dua tahun lalu memenangkan lomba pidato tersebut. Aku tidak serius dalam berlatih. Aku tidak bersungguh-sungguh saat mempersiapkan diri. Aku tidak memberikan yang terbaik ketika tampil.

Karena aku kalah, Pak Surya akan meninggalkan kami.

Aah, kalau saja waktu bisa berputar kembali. Aku ingin memutar balik waktu. Aku ingin mengulang lagi penampilanku di lomba pidato. Mungkin dengan demikian aku bisa melakukan yang lebih baik. Atau mungkin hasilnya akan sama saja. Isi pidatoku tidak sebagus itu. Kenapa aku memilih tema abstrak untuk pidatoku sih?

Aah, kalau saja waktu bisa berputar kembali. Aku ingin memutar balik waktu. Aku ingin mengulang lagi waktu pembuatan naskah pidato. Mungkin dengan demikian aku bisa membuat yang lebih bagus. Atau mungkin hasilnya akan sama saja. Kemampuanku tidak sebaik itu. Kenapa aku mendaftarkan diri untuk lomba ini sih?

Aah, kalau saja waktu bisa berputar kembali. Aku ingin memutar balik waktu. Aku ingin mengulang lagi saat pendaftaran peserta lomba pidato dibuka. Dengan demikian aku tidak usah mendaftar. Dengan demikian siswa lain yang akan berkompetisi. Dengan demikian siswa lain yang akan tampil dalam lomba, memberikan yang terbaik, dan membanggakan sekolah.

Dengan demikian tidak ada yang perlu pergi dari sekolah ini.

Hanya saja, aku tidak bisa memutar balik waktu. Menyadari hal ini, aku menggigit bibir kuat-kuat. Membiarkan rasa sakitnya berputar di otak. Agar aku bisa mengabaikan panasnya mataku, basahnya pipiku, gemetarnya tubuhku. Rasa sakit bagus. Kalau tidak bisa memutar balik waktu, setidaknya aku bisa menerima sakit. Bukankah aku patut dihukum karena sudah mempermalukan almamater? Benar. Bagaimana kalau sekalian menghilang saja? Ada di sini pun aku tidak berguna untuk siapapun.

Biar aku yang pergi.

Aku tidak kuat menahan sakit ini.

Laughing, laughing, until my cheeks start to hurt

So that I don't betray the dreams we saw that day

Singing, singing, until my chest feels tight

So that I don't betray the expectations again

[Forty-seven - Mikito-P]

[Orific] Hancur: A Sequel

Suara hujan. Tik-tik-tik, makin deras, lalu angin, tik-tik-tik, kaca jendela basah kuyup. Aku basah kuyup. Berlindung di bawah atap ala kadarnya di depan sembarang toko, aku masih menjadi sasaran empuk tetesan air hujan yang terbawa angin kencang. Dingin. Aku mulai menggigil. Kepalaku pening.

'Seharusnya tadi aku pulang lebih cepat,' sesalku. Bodoh karena sudah menunggu sampai awan mendung berkumpul sedemikian pekat, tolol karena mengabaikan cakaran angin dingin yang membawa bau hujan dari jauh. 'Seharusnya aku pulang lebih cepat,' ulangku dalam hati. Bukan malah bersikeras menanti munculnya seorang lelaki yang tidak memberi kabar. Dan lebih bodohnya lagi, dalam kondisi begini, aku malah mengecek ponsel dengan harapan melihat notifikasi pesan masuk dari yang kutunggu.

Nihil. Mataku bergeser sedikit ke arah empat digit angka di sisi atas kanan layar. Satu jam lewat dari waktu janjian. Aku ingin tersenyum tapi bibirku malah bergetar karena dingin. Aku mengusap mata karena seperti ada air mata di sana, tapi hanya dinginnya hujan yang kurasa. Satu jam dan aku masih mencoba percaya pada lelaki itu. Aah, bodoh, bodoh.

'Hiiragi Maki, kau benar-benar goblok,' aku memarahi diri sendiri. Hanya saja, mengatakan hal itu rasanya sudah terlalu klise—aku tidak tertarik meneruskan. Mari alihkan perhatian saja.

Sambil menarik anak rambut yang jatuh ke depan mata, aku mulai menghitung-hitung. Probabilitas terbesar aku baru akan sampai di rumah sekitar pukul enam, atau tujuh kalau aku tidak beruntung. Nanti aku mau berendam air hangat yang lama. Sepertinya aku masih punya lilin aromaterapi yang sangat kusukai itu, jadi aku akan menyalakannya juga. Setelah puas, aku bisa langsung ke tempat tidur karena semua pekerjaan untuk besok sudah kusiapkan sebelumnya. Sekali-sekali tidur sebelum jam sembilan boleh lah, apalagi rasanya aku lelah sekali. Mungkin satu bab novel misteri itu sebelum benar-benar terlelap. Yap, rencana bagus.

Oh, aku juga harus menelepon Shou-kun besok pagi.

Perlahan aku berjongkok lalu memeluk lutut. Tidak punya energi untuk sekedar menangis.

.:.:.

“Shou-kun. Ini Maki. Kemarin kamu tidak datang... Jadi kapan aku bisa menemuimu? Kamu tahu, untuk membentakmu habis-habisan? Karena aku marah. Marah sungguhan.”

Pip. Pagi ini, ponsel Shou-kun masih tidak bisa dihubungi. Akhirnya aku meninggalkan pesan saja, karena aku tahu ada kemungkinan Shou-kun hanya menghindar dan sengaja tidak mengangkat teleponku. Pesan yang bodoh, pula. Seharusnya kan aku langsung memarahinya, terang-terangan mengatakan kalau aku sakit hati setelah dia melanggar janjinya. Maki yang biasanya pasti bisa menyampaikan rasa kesalnya dalam beberapa kalimat pedas, dan Shou-kun akan meminta maaf lalu mentraktir sushi—bam, kondisi kembali seperti sedia kala.

Masalahnya, aku lelah. Terlalu lelah untuk berbicara dengan berapi-api. Terlalu penat untuk mulai berbicara dengan Shou-kun tentang dinginnya pertemanan kami belakangan ini. Menyalahkan diri sendiri rasanya beribu kali lipat lebih mudah. Aku tinggal melemparkan kata-kata tanpa suara pada orang di dalam cermin itu. Toh dia menerima dengan sepenuh hati. Bahkan tidak berusaha mendengarkan logika. Lihat, lebih mudah, tidak perlu tenaga. Aku sudah kehabisan tenaga.

Orang di dalam cermin itu menatap kosong. Padahal semalam tidurku nyenyak. Begitu bangun, aku sadar energiku sama sekali tidak kembali.

Maka sekali lagi aku menyalahkan diri sendiri.

A/N: I'm sorry again, Maki. You have to bear the burdens again.

[Orific] Hancur

Aku mendecakkan lidah dengan kesal. Kedua mata sibuk berputar-putar memindai seluruh penjuru taman, tanpa hasil karena kepala rambut merah yang dicari tidak kunjung ketemu. Padahal aku sudah menunggu sejak, entahlah, tiga puluh menit yang lalu? Tempat ini berangin, aku lupa memakai jaket yang lebih tebal, dan orang yang kutunggu masih belum menunjukkan batang hidungnya. Bagus. Aku mengusap kedua pipiku sebal.

Sekali lagi aku mengeluarkan ponsel dari saku dan mengecek notifikasi. Masih belum ada pesan masuk. Saat kulihat pesan terakhir yang kukirim, juga belum ada tanda pesan telah dibaca. Desah panjang dan berat meninggalkan hidungku, sementara aku mengembalikan ponsel ke tempat semula. Tidak ada kabar, tidak ada tanda-tanda kehidupan. Memangnya ke mana cowok satu itu? Aku tahu dia bukan tipe yang mengecek notifikasinya setiap menit (Iya, beda seratus delapan puluh derajat denganku.), tapi dengan kondisi sedang ada janji ketemu, bukannya wajar kalau melihat ponsel barang sekilas?

Tiga puluh lima menit. Angin masih berembus tanpa henti, dan aku mulai merasa putus asa. Tumbuh keinginan dalam lubuk hati untuk melupakan janji ini dan pulang saja, mendekam di balik selimut sambil membaca novel. Tapi, ah, aku ingin bertemu. Jujur, aku ingin bertemu dengannya. Selama libur musim panas dia tidak di Yokohama, sementara aku terpaksa tinggal karena kerja sambilan. Aku kangen. Makanya aku buat janji bertemu begitu tahu bahwa dia sudah kembali ke kota ini.

Tapi sepertinya yang kangen hanya pihakku. Pikiran-pikiran buruk mulai bertunas. Jangan-jangan dia bohong saat bilang sudah kembali. Jangan-jangan pacarnya datang ke apartemennya duluan, jadi dia tidak bisa (atau tidak mau) pergi memenuhi janji denganku. Jangan-jangan, jangan-jangan...

Napasku memendek. Seperti ingin menangis, tapi tidak bisa. Seperti ingin berteriak, tapi tidak bisa. Pada akhirnya, yang bertahan hanyalah rasa pasrah dan putus asa ini. Perih dan pahit kutelan saat menengadah, memperhatikan awan yang bergerak berkumpul perlahan. Sepertinya akan hujan. Aku harus pulang.

Maka aku meninggalkan taman itu, dengan senyum tipis yang seperti pilu.

A/N: Hiiragi Maki, I'm sorry I put this burden on you.

Spring cleaning?

New background and color scheme! I was hoping to change the overall theme too, but nah I'm just too in love with this theme anyway. At least I found a good background image. A chess board! I'm currently drowning in Aldnoah/Zero so the chessboard picture just.... awoke various feelings.... so yeah.

Don't worry, I'm still drowning in hoperai too if you're wondering.

Nirvana - Tia (Noragami Aragoto ED)

ニルバナ

Nirvana

Tia

やがて巡り巡る季節に

僕らは息をする

思い出になるその時まで

ずっと忘れないで

Yagate meguri meguru kisetsu ni

Bokura ha iki wo suru

Omoide ni naru sono toki made

Zutto wasurenaide 

[Soon the seasons will come rolling

And we'll take a breath

Until the time where we'll become memories

Please never forget me]

一人ぼっち膝を抱えて

見上げたんだ　あの日

思ってたより晴れた空と

あなたがそこにいた

Hitori bocchi hiza wo kakaete

Miagetanda         ano hi

Omotteta yori hareta sora to

Anata ga soko ni ita

[All alone I sat hugging my knees

And I look back to that day

Where the sky was clearer than I had thought

And you were still there]

見えてるもの全て　胸に焼き付けたんだ

いつか来るさよならの時のため

だけど今は気づかぬふりをして

僕は笑う　あなたと今

Mieteru mono subete       mune ni yakitsuketanda

Itsuka kuru sayonara no toki no tame

Dakedo ima ha kidzukanu furi wo shite

Boku ha warau      anata to ima

[All the things I'm seeing, they are burned into my heart

For the sake of oncoming goodbye

But for now I'll pretend I didn't notice

As I laugh, with you now]

悲しみ　喜び　心臓の鼓動

伝って動かすんだ　僕という命

想いや感情　掛け値なしの愛を

あなたがくれたから

進むよ　見ててくれる？

Kanishimi     yorokobi     shinzou no kodou

Tsutatte ugokasunda      boku to iu inochi

Omoi ya kanjou       kakenu nashi no ai wo

Anata ga kureta kara

Susumu yo       mitete kureru?

[Sadness, happiness, and the beat of my heart

They go along and move this life called 'me'

The thoughts and feelings, also this non-exaggerated love

Because you gave them to me

I'm moving forward; will you watch?]

真夜中の雨が降り止めば

僕はきっと遠く

心配しないで　同じ空の

下に僕はいるよ

Mayonaka no ame ga furiyameba

Boku ha kitto tooku

Shinpai shinaide     onaji sora no

Shita ni boku ha iru yo 

[If the midnight rain finally stops

Definitely I'm far away

But don't worry, I am still here

Under the same sky]

見えてるもの全て　守ろうとするほどに

あなたは優しさで傷くから

答えを探すたび失うんだ

大事なもの　こぼれ落ちていく

Mieteru mono subete      mamorou to suru hodo ni

Anata ha yasashisa de kizudzuku kara

Kotae wo sagasu tabi ushinaunda

Daiji na mono      kobore ochiteiku 

[All the things I'm seeing, I'll try to protect them all

Because you're hurt by your kindness

Everytime we seek the answer, it disappears

The precious things, they are falling apart]

幾千の時を超えいつかまた出会う

繋いだ手の感触を思い出して

あの夜に僕らは明日を願った

叶わぬ願いだとわかっていたとしても

Ikusen no toki wo koe itsuka mata deau

Tsunaida te no kanshoku wo omoidashite

Ano yoru ni bokura ha ashita wo negatta

Kanawanu negai da to wakatteita to shite mo 

[Passing through a thousand years, we'll meeet again someday

As we remember the feeling of our intertwined hands

That night we both prayed for a tomorrow

Even though we knew very well that it's an impossible thing]

時に雲　時に風　形を変えながら

あなたの元に　ほら　僕は向かうよ

Toki ni kumo     toki ni kaze     katachi wo kaenagara

Anata no moto ni    hora    boku ha mukau yo

[Sometimes it's clouded, sometimes it's windy, while the form keeps changing

Look, I'm coming, to where you are]

そして僕の声があなたに届くなら

なんてあなたは答えるのだろう

ありがとう　ごめんね

ひどいやつだ　バカだな

愛してる　泣いて笑うのは

多分僕かも

聞こえる？

Soshite boku no koe ga anata ni todoku nara

Nante anata ha kotaeru no darou

Arigatou     gomen ne

Hidoi yatsu da    baka da na

Aishiteru    naite warau no ha

Tabun boku ka mo

Kikoeru?

[And then, if my voice can reach out to you

How would you answer, I wonder

Thanks; sorry

You're cruel; how stupid

I love you; the one who's crying and laughing at the same time

It's probably me

Can you hear it?]

悲しみ　喜び　心臓の鼓動

伝って動かすんだ　僕という命

想いや感情　掛け値なしの愛を

あなたはくれたんだ

奇跡のような日々を

いつでもここにいるよ 

Kanashimi     yorokobi     shinzou no kodou

Tsutatte ugokasunda     boku to iu inochi

Omoi ya kanjou       kakenu nashi no ai wo

Anata ha kuretanda

Kiseki no you na hibi wo

Itsudemo koko ni iru yo

[Sadness, happiness, and the beat of my heart

They go along and move this life called 'me'

The thoughts and feelings, also this non-exaggerated love

You gave them to me

The miracle-like days

Are always here]

Kanji lyric from booklet

Romaji lyric by me

Translation by me

Haru no Hi - Goose House

ハルノヒー合唱ー

Haru no Hi - Gasshou- 

One Day in Spring -A Chorus-

Goose House

あなたがお弁当を作っている音
鼻の奥ツンとして慌てて笑った
花冷えの朝今日は最後の日
もうこれからは
早起きしないでいいんだよ
Anata ga obentou wo tsukutteiru oto
Hana no oku tsun to shite awatete waratta
Hanabie no asa kyou ha saigo no hi
Mou kore kara ha
Hayaoki shinaide iin dayo
[The sounds as you made boxed lunch
Its aroma attacked right into my nostrils and I laughed nervously
This will be the last day of chilly morning
From now on,
You don't have to wake up early]

「あなたの為」そのセリフが嫌いで
窮屈だった愛を拒んだあの日々
力任せの言葉浴びたあなたの
カタカタと揺れてた背中
"Anata no tame." Sono serifu ga kirai de
Kyuukutsu datta ai wo kobanda ano hibi
Chikara makase no kotoba abita anata no
Katakata to yurureta senaka
["This is for your sake." I hate that kind of speech
The days where I pointedly rejected your stiff love
You always said things with all your might
Your back, it shook violently]

もう見ることのないこの駅は
臆病者の僕を知っている
でも母よ僕はもう怖くない
あなたを離れて歩いて行くんだ
Mou miru koto no nai kono eki ha
Okubyoumono no boku wo shitteiru
Demo haha yo boku ha mou kowakunai
Anata wo hanarete aruiteyuku nda
[This station which I will never see again
Knows about my cowardice
But dear Mom, I'm not afraid anymore
I'll walk down my path without you]

誰かのために目覚める明日を
未来証書に誓います
言えなかった「ゴメンね」返す為
明日からあなたの様な温もり胸に
生きて行きます
Dareka no tame ni mezameru ashita wo
Mirai Shousho ni chikaimasu
Ienakatta "gomen ne" kaesu tame
Ashita kara anata no you na nukumori mune ni
Ikiteyukimasu
[To a new day coming for someone
I swear upon this certificate of future
To return these unspoken "I'm sorry"s
Starting tomorrow, I will live on
With a warm heart, just like you]

昔より少し小さくなった背中
僕は今日あなたにまた少し近づく
何も言わず出かけるあなたは今も
クタクタの背広を着ている
Mukashi yori sukoshi chiisaku natta senaka
Boku ha kyou anata ni mata sukoshi chikadzuku
Nani mo iwazu dekakeru anata ha ima mo
Kutakuta no sebiro wo kiteiru
[A backside that looked a bit smaller than it used to be
Today I am getting closer to you
You, who always leave the house without saying anything
Now still wear that old suit]

雲流れゆくとの屋上は
逃げてばかりの僕を知ってる
でも父よ僕はもう決めたんだ
いつかあなたを追い越したい
Kumo nagareyuku to no okujou ha
Nigete bakari no boku wo shitteiru
Demo chichi yo boku ha mou kimeta nda
Itsuka anata wo oikoshitai
[The passing wind and the rooftop
They know how I always run away
But dear Dad, I have decided
I want to surpass you one day]

守りたい誰かがいる明日を
僕も守ってゆきたい
言えなかった「ありがとう」返す為
明日からあなたの様な強さを胸に
生きて行きます
Mamoritai dareka ga iru ashita wo
Boku mo mamotte yukitai
Ienakatta "arigatou" kaesu tame
Ashita kara anata no you na tsuyosa wo mune ni
Ikiteyukimasu 
[A new day where someone precious resides
I want to protect it too
To return these unspoken "thank you"s
Starting tomorrow, I will live on
With a strong heart, just like you]

花びら空高く飛ばす舞風が
旅立ちの時が知らせている
駆け巡るあなたとの歳月が
「 さあ行きなさい」と手を振るから
僕はひとり行くよ
Hanabira sora takaku tobasu maikaze ga
Tabidachi no toki ga shiraseteiru
Kakemeguru anata to no  saigetsu ga
"Saa yukinasai!" to te wo furu kara
Boku ha hitori yuku yo
[The dancing wind that hurls flower petals high in the sky
It bespeaks of the moment I have to depart
The years I spent with you who always rush about
"Now, go!" you said as you wave your hand
I'm going by myself]

誰かのために目覚める明日を
未来証書に誓います
言えなかった「ありがとう」返す為
明日からあなたの様な温もり胸に
あなたの様な強さを胸に
あの春の日を忘れぬように
生きて行きます
Dareka no tame ni mezameru ashita wo
Mirai shousho ni chikaimasu
Ienakatta "arigatou" kaesu tame
Ashita kara anata no you na nukumori mne ni
Anata no you na tsuyosa wo mune ni
Ano haru no hi wo wasurenu you ni
Ikiteyukimasu
[To a new day coming for someone
I swear upon this certificate of future
To return these unspoken "thank yous"s
Starting tomorrow, I will live on
With a warm heart, just like you
With a strong heart, just like you
So that I never forget that one day in spring]

Kanji lyric taken from www.lyrical-nonsense.com 
Romaji by me
Translation by me

I have multiple feelings about this song.

Comeback: A Time

I decided to go through this blog today, looking at old posts of when I just created it, recalling the feelings and the events that led to those posts, etc. It was funny, like going through a time tunnel and watching yourself grow.

Then I realized (quite belatedly, I admit) that recently, this blog has become a mere dump store for fanfictions. I don't even write orifics anymore. (There was a time I abandoned fanfiction in favor of orificand choosing not to publish them--after all, I have my dreams too, that one day I can compile those into a short story collection of my own.) I don't write poems to pour my feelings. No more Life tagged posts either.

One thing I can easily say, is that I blame someone for the lack of personal posts here. (Blaming others always comes easy, does it not?) At that time, however little I wrote for this blog, I still have a desire to make this blog my home, where I can rattle on and on about something, maybe making it vague as a caution.

This notion was blown up the moment someone came up to me after apparently reading one of my controversial posts, asking nicely, "Hey, you all right?"

Okay, I know, that's nice of him, you might be wondering why I got so upset over this--but you see, he's the least I want to read that post. Besides I didn't really write it to be asked if I'm all right. I just needed to vent, that's it. No need to ask me. So I found out the hard way that indeed, the internet's a wild place where whatever you put there become public. Ever since that time, I chose to stop writing about my life at all.

Another reason is, well, I'm just so introverted that I don't think my daily life is worthy enough to be put up here. Of course that's silly, I know, because this is my home and however I fill it is up to me, but I just can't help the thought. (Welcome, anxiety and inferiority complex.)

Lastly, I began to notice that life is not as interesting as it had been, when I kept a daily journal (not really a diary, just a tool to keep me writing everyday) and filled it with everyday occurences. Everyday is fun, everyone is so nice and we talk about a lot of things, sure, but nothing out of habit. Goes back to the point where I feel that nothing is worthy enough to be written.

I don't know why but maybe I've gotten dull? That I've lost my sense of observation? All in all, I just think that I'm vastly different from the me in high school. Some aspects are definitely better, but some others I find myself lament. Once upon a time I could write something out of nothing at all, in a spur of a moment, even during class. Once upon a time I could have that surge of emotion, pouring just like that from the tip of a pen or pencil. I miss those days.

In the end, perhaps I'm just dulled from a lack of writing exersices. Hurrr.