he looks at me expectantly. oh, i know, i
need to assure him of my loyalty. right here, right now. he needs me, just like
i need him.
"it's okay," I whisper, reaching
my hands out to him. "i will always be your ally. i will always be here
for you. i will fight for you, brother. please don't worry. i will kill, i will
hurt, i will steal everything if it's what you want. i will always be here. i
promise you, brother. i swear to you."
can't you see this mountain of corpses i
made? every little kill is for you! it doesn't matter if i had to throw away a
finger or two, break a leg or an arm, it's okay, i will even trade my eye and
my liver and my kidney if it means protecting you and your goals! brother,
brother, i am your one and only true friend. please, please, use me as you
wish, tear me apart until you're satisfied----but please never leave me alone.
i will follow you to the end of the world, to the depth of hell, to the height
of paradise, but promise me you'll always let me walk three steps behind you.
that's all i ask. it's okay, even if you can't see me at times, i assure you i
will be right there. it's okay, i'm still here for you. it's okay, i'm still
your one and only ally.
what do you mean a new ally, brother?
aren't i enough? haven't i done much more than they could? i have given you my
eye, my arm, my leg, my rib, my liver, my heart, my everything!!!! how could
you? how dare you? are you saying i can't be of use anymore because i lack an
eye, an arm, a leg, a rib, a liver, a heart, everything? because i can't do
much for you anymore? i can't even keep up three steps behind you! what a
disgrace. i'm sorry. i'm sorry, brother. please don't throw me away. i will be
here for you, always. i'm sorry. i 'm sorry i will be here. i'm sorry i can't
go anywhere else without you. i'm sorry.
i'm sorry.
goodbye.
Yet another random script from unnamed documents in my drive.
I think I write a lot of pieces with dependency themes, just like this one. in extreme cases I write about 'doing anything for you'. in the milder ones, there's one like Maki who clings to Shinichi.
I see a pattern. I see myself.
To be honest, ever since the first time I heard the term 'avoidant-dependent' (or something), I've always told myself this is me. I'm annoyed at myself, you know, for being like this. I can get clingy to people, asking them to give me all the time of the day, but once they start inching closer to me, I run away. I hide away. I even do this to my family. This instinct to run from people is so tiring. Yet I know I want to offer everything to keep them from leaving me behind.
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